Short Week

Taking a Thursday and Friday off is not my favorite way to use PTO. The three days of work go by quickly, and it’s hard to get anything substantial done. Then the two days of vacation go by quickly, and it never quite feels like they blend into the weekend to create a four day block. This week has followed that pattern. It feels like it’s vanished, and both the sense of accomplishment and the serenity of vacation feel a bit low.

With that said, neither feeling is quite as low as it might be on a typical split week. I didn’t have super big stuff I was trying to get done before Wednesday, but I had a decent list and I managed to get through the whole thing. Then Quinn’s birthday was yesterday, and that was a busy day but a good one. We split up in the evening because we wanted to get him to his tennis lesson and also wanted to let him eat out even though Kate can’t eat out for a little while (trying to limit cross contamination for a few months). Not necessarily ideal, but at the end of the day he was happy, and that’s what we hope for on the kids’ birthdays. Then today was nice–we planned to go to Morton Arboretum, but it was a bit cold and so we ended up seeing Iron Man 3, then finished things off with a quiet night at home.

So there weren’t momentous achievements, and I’m not on the biggest vacation high ever, but there’s still some satisfaction. Kind of like the week is more than the sum of its parts. Not a bad place to be on a Friday night–it makes it less critical to have an awesome weekend. Will still shoot for that, though.

Tech and Memories

Earlier this week we had some incredible weather, made more incredible because spring was so late in coming. I got home from work on Tuesday night and went out on the patio, where I noticed the sky was an amazing shade of blue and seemed crystal clear. I decided to try to capture the moment with a picture, and then I decided to share the moment on Facebook. I knew that I wouldn’t completely capture the way I felt, but I ended up being surprised at how large the gap was.

Later that night (or maybe the next night), I was looking at some old pictures that we had laying around–mostly prints that my mom had sent us before she got a digital camera. I came across one of me, Kate, and Quinn that I particularly love. Since it predated my Facebook account, I considered taking a picture and posting it and saying that it was one of my favorite all-time snapshots. But I decided against it.

The two events got me thinking about the way technology is integrated in my life, specifically in the way I deal with memories. Everyone’s take on this is going to be different. On one end of the spectrum, people will say that technology does nothing but help. It preserves our moments and allows us to share them to get a richer experience. On the other end, people will say that technology has become overly intrusive. It prevents us recognizing some of the subtleties in life and keeps us from fully interacting with each other.

I am probably right in the middle, having moved to that position from somewhere on the pro-technology side over the past year. To me, technology has a lot of value. Capturing moments is definitely easier, and with the kids starting to grow up quickly I’m inclined to capture as many moments as I can. I also appreciate the opportunity to share those moments with my community of friends on Facebook. With the moving we have done and the challenges we sometimes have in building connections, that community is a part of my life I am glad to have.

But I’m also realizing that technology has its limitations. There are moments that can’t always be captured; they just have to be enjoyed. And there is something special about capturing a moment and keeping it to myself. When a moment is shared, it’s natural to expect a reaction. With social media, the reaction is less certain, and that detracts from the experience. Our brains seek variety, and constantly using technology as a part of making memories is a rut of sorts.

The recent launch of Google Glass is probably also contributing to my thoughts. The strongest proponents of Glass seem to be those people who want technology as a constant presence and filter in their life. They don’t want to miss a thing. It’s an admirable goal, but not a realistic one. I’d rather go through life fully enjoying each moment instead of worrying about having each one captured, shared, and liked. I’m going to miss a few things. And I’m going to forget some others. But I don’t think I’ll be any less satisfied. There is joy in the journey, and at the end of the road I’ll have the joy that I’ve spent the time to cultivate.

Safe and Sound

It’s been a rough week. The bombings in Boston and the fertilizer plant explosion in Texas served as reminders that life is fragile. It seems like we get these reminders far too often these days, but there’s still a tendency to return to life as normal and take our blessings for granted. Tonight, everything is fresh enough that everyone living in safety and comfort is probably profoundly grateful.

My gratitude also comes from events that were closer to home and much smaller in magnitude. There was constant rain this week, capped off by a real deluge Wednesday night. Several roads were flooded, keeping people at home where many of them had to deal with flooded basements. We often get a small puddle in our basement when it rains, and we only ended up with a medium-sized puddle. We felt very fortunate.

I also got hit with some sort of bug on Thursday. It wasn’t too horrible until the evening, when it hit me hard. Today was better, though I still had some moments of feeling pretty crappy. I try not to become ultra-dependent when I get sick, but a sick Seth at rest tends to stay at rest. So the first thing that happens is that Donia picks up the things that I might normally do. This time, though, something just felt a little different. I don’t know if it was because I was sicker than normal or because I was somewhat sensitized from the events of the week or because Donia especially went out of her way to check on me, but I felt very cared for.

So tonight, as we gladly close the book on this week, I am awfully thankful to be safe and sound. I am recuperating under the loving care of my wife, we are going to bed in a dry house, and the events of the world will not invade these walls tonight.

All Clear (Not Quite)

I almost sat down to write a post on Tuesday night. The topic of that post would have been the fact that I had finally reached the end of a month of small stresses that all seemed to add up. Some of them were larger than others; some of them were reasonable while others were silly. But still, it had been a somewhat long and trying month. I was feeling like I could finally decompress, recalibrate, and move ahead.

But I didn’t quite get to the writing stage on Tuesday. And then I slept kind of poorly. Then I slept worse on Wednesday night, which made me feel like the problems were not quite behind me. Last night was a decent night’s sleep, but I still have some kind of anxiety issue. I have felt it all day–just a general tightness in my gut and fear of…something. I told Donia at lunch that it was frustrating because I can’t identify anything that I feel worried about. On the contrary, I would say that I’m really pleased with life right now. There’s something in my subconscious, though, that is all worked up. If I had to try to label it, I would say that I’m worried about being worried. All day, I wonder if I’m going to be able to sleep at night. It seems like the most ridiculous thing, and that the simplest and most logical cure is “Just stop doing that.” And I’m trying…but it’s just not happening.

So this weekend I’m going to try to clear my head. There isn’t too much going on, so I’m trying to come in with the approach that it will be a nice, normal weekend. And we’ll see if I can put things behind me for good.

Travel Woes

It’s been a less-than-ideal travel day. The car came and picked me up at 8:45 but had no trouble getting to the airport, so I was way early for an 11:50 flight. Not too terrible. Then my seat was in the very back corner of the plane. Not great, but I wasn’t in a terrible rush and the seat next to me stayed open, so still not horrible. But now I’m sitting in LA at the time that my flight was supposed to land in San Jose…and there’s still an hour and a half before the plane is scheduled to take off. A 2 hour layover turned into a 5 hour layover. So by the time I gather my bag and get to the hotel, I’ll have been on the move for far too long.

And all that still wouldn’t be quite so bad if I didn’t have some complex about traveling. I know that it’s not most people’s favorite activity, but it somehow affects me badly. I get very tense when things go wrong, I don’t sleep well (which should be especially pleasant following the recent bout of insomnia), and ultimately I just feel too isolated and lonely. It’s fairly irrational, and Donia can’t figure out why I don’t just relax and enjoy a little down time. I wish I could. I’d like to get this a little more under control, because it affects not only the days I travel but also the days leading up to the travel. Until I figure it out though, I guess I’ll just be happy that I don’t have to travel very often.

Sleep Tight

While Donia was gone last week I discovered something interesting. Whenever I travel, I have a little trouble sleeping, and I’ve assumed that the problem is a combo of an unfamiliar place and the absence of my dear wife beside me. But last week the familiar place wasn’t helping. I slept badly on the first night, like a log on the second night (which made me think the first night was an aberration) and badly every night after that (which proved that it wasn’t). I’ve had tiny bits of insomnia before, but this was the first protracted stretch, and it turned me into a zombie by Friday. While it’s frustrating, I also find it to be kind of interesting. Especially this time around, I couldn’t figure out what was keeping me up. I wasn’t worried about anything in particular (although I had a worried feeling), and I could feel myself drifting off and waking up. I try to compare it to the way things are now that Donia is back, but whenever she’s around I’m basically like “OK, time for bed” and BOOM, I’m out. Not much time for observation.

The flip side of this coin is that Donia doesn’t sleep all that well when she’s with me. It doesn’t seem to be snoring or kicking. Just seems like my existence bothers her in some way. I’m fairly sure this is limited to the nighttime hours. So while I’m tossing and turning without her, she’s slumbering blissfully without me. It’s a pickle.

We’ll see how things play out next week while I’m in California. For me, not Donia–she’ll be fine. Hopefully I can find a way to get over this and just calm my mind down a bit, or there will be another weekend of recovering.

Happy Anniversary

(You were) nineteen, (I was) twenty-one
The year we got engaged
Everyone said we were much too young
But we did it anyway

We bought our rings for forty each
From a pawn shop down the road
We made our vows and took the leap
Now (fourteen) years ago

We went dancing in the minefields
We went sailing in the storm
And it was harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for

“I do” are the two most famous last words
The beginning of the end
But to lose your life for another I’ve heard
Is a good place to begin

‘Cause the only way to find your life
Is to lay your own life down
And I believe it’s an easy price
For the life that we have found

And we’re dancing in the minefields
We’re sailing in the storm
This is harder than we dreamed
But I believe that’s what the promise is for

So when I lose my way, find me
When I loose love’s chains, bind me
At the end of all my faith, till the end of all my days
When I forget my name, remind me

‘Cause we bear the light of the Son of Man
So there’s nothing left to fear
So I’ll walk with you in the shadowlands
Till the shadows disappear

‘Cause he promised not to leave us
And his promises are true
So in the face of all this chaos, baby, 
I can dance with you

Happy 14 years, dearie. So glad to have been dancing with you through them. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow.

A Bit Much

The wheels didn’t completely come off today, but most of the lug nuts shook loose and things were looking dicey. One thing I consistently underestimate is how several days of activity in a row tend to be draining for everyone, even if the activity isn’t non-stop every day. That’s what happened here. After a steady stream of stuff Saturday-Monday, I realized around mid-morning that it was actually still and quiet. And I enjoyed that through the rest of the day.

The kids, though, didn’t really get that opportunity. As soon as they got home from school, it was time to pack up and get Quinn from computer club, then go straight to tennis, then hang out for an hour and a half waiting for tennis to finish. It was that hour and a half that tipped things over the edge. Kate and Paige could not understand why they were being dragged around–especially annoying with Kate since most of the activity over the previous three days was hers. I stayed calm, but was laying on the sarcasm pretty thick. When we went to pick up Quinn, the girls continued to ask the same questions they had been asking throughout dinner. Having explained the answers already, I felt the need to escalate. I went on a pretty long diatribe about the way life works, during which I may have done a circular breathing thing in order to talk constantly for the duration of the drive home.

It wasn’t a complete explosion though, and at the end I explained that I was not truly angry with them because I knew it had been a long haul. I do feel for them in these moments – I have clear enough recall of my formative years to remember that I was adamant in thinking that I understood how the world worked. (I like to believe that I’ve become slightly more open minded.) It’s just not a natural thought for young people. So while I grow tired of repeating myself, I also know that there isn’t going to be a magic formula for helping them get this. They’ll get there on their own–if anything, maybe my repeated admonition will help accelerate the process a tiny bit.

WFH

The firestorm over Marissa Mayer’s decision to kill telecommuting seems to have mostly died down, but I’m still going to kick at the embers because of something that happened at work today. During the firestorm, a friend of mine found the following quote: “Telecommuting is good for productivity, but not for innovation.” On its own, this quote probably doesn’t do much to silent the critics–there are going to be gobs of people that claim to be just as innovative while telecommuting full-time as they are in the office. I would offer a rebuttal in two parts to that assertion.

First, I think most of these people are fooling themselves. I’ve never known a remote employee worth their salt that didn’t acknowledge a need for face-to-face interaction from time to time. They know that there is value in getting to know people and catching “hallway talk.” This isn’t saying that there is no innovation happening in the remote space–it’s just that if it were exactly as good, we would have eliminated the need to meet in person.

Second, the degree of innovation is highly dependent on culture. Some companies are going to push things in a certain way and utilize technology across the entire workforce that can enable greater innovation (and productivity) from remote workers. There are a lot of factors in play here, including the openness of communications and the trust people build with each other. But there are definitely going to be differences from one company to another.

What happened today had a bit of both elements. Someone came over and talked to me about a half-baked idea, and during the course of discussion (and some pondering afterwards), the idea is now maybe 75% baked. But it occurred to me that half-baked ideas don’t typically get shared in emails. Or in scheduled meetings that have specific agendas. IM can get close, but this is where the culture comes in to play–people need to be comfortable using IM as a conversation substitute and moving to other forms of communication (mostly phone calls) when that format begins to fall short. I do have one remote colleague that frequently sends me half-baked food for thought, but most of my IM’s are a little more tactical.

With all this said, do I agree with the Yahoo decision? Not really. I do believe that Marissa had data showing her some deep-rooted problems, and the telecommuting ban was one of the best ways to handle these problems directly and quickly. But mandates have a way of punishing top people in order to deal with poor performers. And as much as I believe in my first argument (that there’s no true replacement for co-location), I also believe that there is a new normal. Companies today don’t have the luxury of demanding that all their people be together–they have to give up a little in order to fully staff with the best people. There’s a fine line between a business being unreasonable and looking out for its best interests. Also, it’s hard for me to say I believe all employees should be in the office all the time–while I did move here to be more tied in to HQ, I also do enjoy my two days a week at home.

Climbing Back

This is not an obituary for Michigan’s season. They will be a 3 seed when the brackets are announced on Sunday and should win at least one more. But it just seems like a good time to take a look back on a season that felt good, even with some fairly bad moments that kept it from being truly great.

A preseason #5 ranking seemed a bit optimistic, even with some big returning players and some impressive freshmen. But then they ripped off 16 wins, making it up to #2 as most of the other teams in the country also showed some flaws. The first loss of the season was painful for a few reasons. It was against Ohio State, so that stunk. They were the best team Michigan had faced, so there was concern about competing against quality opponents. The final score showed a three point loss, but that only came after clawing back from a 20 point deficit. A win would have gotten them to #1, and it kind of felt like the pressure got to them. Just not really what you’d like to see when you wonder if your team can go all the way.

The next four wins erased some of that feeling, especially a strong showing at Illinois that gave the Wolverines their first #1 ranking since 1993. A close loss to Indiana wasn’t TOO bad (though another first half 20 point deficit was concerning), and then there was a payback win against OSU. But then the wheels starting coming off. Wisconsin won thanks to a half-court heave that looked exactly like the Evan Turner play from the 2010 Big Ten tournament. Then instead of bouncing back, Michigan got slaughtered by Michigan State. The cracks were showing in a big way, and it felt like the team was running out of gas.

The end of the season was a gut-wrenching affair: pushed at home by last-in-the-conference Penn State, a good showing against Illinois, a LOSS to the aforementioned last-in-the-conference Penn State, barely holding on against MSU and Purdue, and a home loss to Indiana where they were leading by 5 with under a minute left but couldn’t hit free throws. This year’s team has a ton of talent, but it’s just not talent that wins championships. Poise is a major ingredient, and this team hasn’t shown that they have it. Having dropped to the fifth seed in the Big Ten tournament, it seemed like they had a possible path for revenge (PSU-Wisconsin-IU), but that ended today as Wisconsin ground the life out of Michigan.

Still, the loss didn’t fill me with despair. At this point in the year, anything can happen, and the bad habits Michigan has shown make it unsurprising when they lose. It was a pretty good season, especially getting to #1 again. There was a very rough stretch of Michigan basketball; it meant something to get to the top again (even if only for a few days). I will be shocked if Burke returns, so it seems likely that next year won’t quite reach the same heights. But it also shouldn’t drop too terribly far, with the returning freshmen as a good foundation. It’s good to be back.

And if they should happen to win their next six, that would be kind of cool too.